you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
