Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
