last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
