i'm signing you up for texting rehab
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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