You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize