You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
