Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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