All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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