i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize