OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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