I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We have so much sex to catch up on
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
