Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
