All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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