thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
