there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Alive.
So much puke
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
