Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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