I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
