This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
