i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
