My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
only you would photoshop your dick
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
