Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
