And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
