it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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