But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
