Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
