We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize