No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
