margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
