You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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