you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
