Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Shame - the story of my life.
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