in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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