So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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