is your mom at the bar?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I supernannyed him into submission
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
