Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
