I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
