I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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