i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
