marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
