Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
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