And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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