I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
