I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
