well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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