Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
