I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
