Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
