My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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