the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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