2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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