I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
