Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
