U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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