Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
