My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
