I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
