the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
