I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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