This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
