had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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