So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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