I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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