we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
