its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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