I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
