I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
