Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I am in a vortex of obligation.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
