With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
